The Life and Times of Captain Timerica

28th September 2011

Post

Back to old habits

I’m still up when i should have been asleep hours ago. I remind myself that this is how it has always been, and will continue to be for days on end. I am listening to old music, thinking about how this weekend took me for the ride of my life. How on thursday, was probably one of the weirder days I’ve experienced. How for one moment, nothing else mattered. Then to have that revelation which for years, i eluded because i did not want to admit i backed the wrong horse. How one night i can tell my old roommate i missed her friendship, to the next night telling her she can piss me off like no one else. And how good it feels to be a gangsta.

I rarely have to remind myself that i am my worst enemy. No one else can degrade me, like me. My vanity hides all my insecurities. Because i would rather be seen as a vain, egotistical douchebag who spouts out obscenities than admit my future scares me and seek out help from my friends. I’m flaky, yes. but i will be there for people when they are down and out. Thats how i stay sane. I have to help people. I consider myself useless otherwise. It will eat at my very soul if i cant, because that is my heroin. And i’m an addict. maybe i want to be the hero. Maybe i have a jesus complex. but there are worst things to have.

I do want to do stand up. More now than ever. Not sure why, but if i’m going to do it, i have to do it now. I’ve been writing material. Will it suck? probably. But i won’t ever know until i try. Just have to work up the stones to do it and not let bad times affect me. It will…but i cant let it. I want to make people laugh. im obscene, vulgar and every synonym in between. But I’m smart, and i can tell a story. I crave attention. I’m a showman. And fuck it, im funny.

I’m gonna stop here, because i’ve written enough self-pitying thoughts to last me a while. may delete this later. We’ll see i suppose.

25th August 2011

Post with 1 note

So about Jackson…

Had dinner over at my parents tonight, so i got to play with elise and jackson. As Elise nodded off, my sister laura and i looked through some old pictures and basically saw jackson from puppy stages up to now. and it hit me hard with the realization that when jack passes, i will probably be devastated.

Jackson has been my buddy since the day we got him. I picked him out, he slept in my room, i fed him, bathed him, took him out, the whole shebang. we wrestled, we’d have standoffs when he was bad, everything that makes up raising a dog. It’s been ten years and he has faithfully protected my family since we brought him home. For Elise, this is her first dog (that didn’t try to bite her every time she walked by). She loves her some jackson. now that i’m gone, its her job to feed him. He gets fed way too well.

Jackson has a way of greeting you that just makes you feel like you are the most important thing in life. more precious than the air we breathe, you are to him. I would have a shit day at school, or work and I’d walk in, he’d see me, and nothing else mattered at that moment. Sure, he made noises that sounded abysmal creatures screaming, but you are too busy showing just as much love to him as he is to you…nothing else matters.

He’s gotten slower in his age. His once all black muzzle is now salt and pepper. he sleeps alot more. But all that doesn’t matter, because he still makes me feel amazing when i walk in. It’s gonna hit hard when he passes, because Jackson will always have a special place in my life.

…I love that dog.

6th April 2011

Post with 1 note

Things i would do if i won the lottery

Currently, the Power ball lottery is at 218,000,000 dollars. That’s a lot of money. So Logically, I am daydreaming about what i would do with all that money. Now this is not what would realistically do with it. This is just a list of silly and awesome things i’d do with it.

1. Travel. I would have to travel by myself and explore what the world has to offer. Visit Europe, see where western civilization came to be, visit religious sanctuaries of all denominations and meet people whose life differs greatly from mine.

2. I would have to get a realistic Captain America uniform. with the shield. a bad ass shield.

3. Elise would be taken care of. End of story.

4. I’d buy some land and make my dream home. One that is perfect to watch a thunderstorm.

5. Every now and again i would rent out a small venue for my friends to enjoy a party for them. Just to celebrate what great people i have in my life and how i am better because of them.

6.I’d work as a lifeguard still. I love this job.

7. I’d take up a musical instrument. I’ve always loved music and i wish i could play. I’m partial to drums, piano and bass. probably why i love ben folds five so much.

8. I’d give some money to foundations that would increase funding for science and the arts.

9. I’d give money to foundations that help provide for those who are in dark places and seek therapy

10. I’d get my dad a 69 Super B, like he had as a teenager.

11. I’d fix up my car, that or get a new maxima. and a hot rod.

12. A tailored suit. or two.

13. on the piece of land that i bought, i would build a firing range and get myself a nice collection of guns to shoot them on.

14. a pool so i could stay in shape.

15. a place in Pittsburgh so i could have a Steelers haven.

16. and finally (for this list anyway) I’d give my friends and family some cash so they worry about any accident or problem, so they could live life the way they want to.